Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Category: Uncategorized

  • Bipolar Depression Is A Dark Beast

    Weighing heavy on my chest Rendering me immobile as I lay My best a distant memory Day by day by day Staring into the abyss Disconnecting as you devour me Nothing is worse than this I deteriorate hourly Your ugliness reflects back in the mirror But you’ve taught me not to care I have a…

  • The Temperature Of Coma

    The Temperature Of Coma Staggering down the hallway Feet curled over you broke your flip flop. Struggling to speak, I didn’t know what was to come. Swaying side to side on the sofa Talking gibberish like a drunk, I thought it was the Morphine, I didn’t know what was to come. Seemingly eternal wait for…

  • The Silent Scream

    The Silent Scream-A Scuplture In My living Room Heavy head, metallic and cream, Face lined with fear, a silent scream. Cracked and cold, chills my hand and my heart. This perfect sculpture is where we start. Eyes fiercely pinpricked, A soul that is old, A young aged face, a story untold. Deep-set eyes, Dark shadows…

  • Bipolar Disorder-The Ultimate Guide To Self Management For People Who Find Self Management Difficult

    The phrase ‘Self Management’ is thrown around freely by users and Professionals as being key to recovery and relapse prevention. Some people with Bipolar Disorder seem to have it nailed. They have good self management routines that work for them and are vital to their recovery. From what I read in peoples tweets and self…

  • Self Isolation & Bipolar Disorder, Living with someone with Covid-19

    I am terrified of getting the Coronavirus. I never eat fruit, I don’t eat lunch, last time I had flu I really suffered and was wiped out for 2 weeks following which I got Bronchitis and  post viral fatigue for a further 2 weeks. In fact I’ve had Bronchitis 2 years in a row. I…

  • I Lost My Husband & Found A Piece Of Him In The Royal Albert Hall

                It’s been a challenging couple of weeks. Spring always is for me and it can start quite early. It is my mission this year not to have a Bipolar Depressive Episode. I am being proactive and pushing on with self-management the best way I can. My mood has definitely been on the low side…

  • I Don’t Like The Silence But I Don’t Want To Make A Noise-Grief & Anxiety In The Evening

    Since my husband died over 4 years ago, I’ve started to suffer anxiety at night. I’ve never really been an anxious person before and it took me some time to identify what it was. As evening approaches I start to feel unsettled, my activity level reduces and I just want to  get the essential things…

  • The Effect Of Grief On Bipolar Disorder And How To Start To Overcome It

    Ideas explored deeply in my upcoming book “Finding My Sorrow-A Memoir Of Extraordinary Love & Journey In Grief & Bipolar Disorder”.               Grief in those with pre-existing Bipolar Disorder is an area which is poorly addressed in terms of literature, understanding and practical support. Grief Counselling for Bipolar Disorder should be provided by someone not…

  • The Absence Of Sex In A Shameless Widow

    My soulmate died of Cancer over 4 years ago. It was sudden and unexpected with under 3 months from diagnosis to death. My whole life changed overnight and I was of course completely devastated. My grief has not been linear. It has been broadly in 2 separate periods, delayed by my Bipolar Disorder, primarily episodes…

  • Bipolar Disorder: Grieving Your Lost Self, Your Past Pain and What Might Have Been

    A follow up post to “Who Put Razor Blades In The Ice cream”               When I was a child I wanted to be an actress. I was talented. I had done it since I was about 5. I had good feedback from drama teachers and was in a local amateur drama group where I always…