Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Category: Uncategorized

  • This is all

    It’s flattering to be called resilient and feel validated when you are down but “resilience” being used as your main compliment time after time can leave you wanting in this way. Sometimes I’d rather be loved than resilient. Or have someone hear my pain. Or be in the position of not having experienced so much […]

  • My Best Friend

    My best friend, a gem for 28 year, Rare, admired, valued, In my heart held so dear, Shared laughter, past debauchery and sometimes a tear, Shared secrets, shared growth and sometimes shared fear, Always we listen, always we hear, Even when apart, our love it is near. She sees my worth, recognises my strength, For […]

  • Loving a Narcissist

    Into in my life you flounced Self sales pitch left me astounded All my senses surrounded Feet swept off the ground Unaware my mind and body were about to be impounded. You intended to deflower My mind and steal my body like a prowler So insidious I’d not notice, certainly not flounder Even though at […]

  • The Ups and Downs of a Dysregulated Eater Part 2b

    Shortly after having made this journey to simply improve my health through eating better and quitting my daily diet of fat and sugar crammed carbs, I became over focused on a picture of myself looking slim. I opened it up and stared at it for prolonged periods and I don’t know why. I don’t want […]

  • The Ups and Downs of a Dysregulated Eater Part 2a

    HEALING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD accountable adjective Definition 1 : subject to giving an account : answerable I said I was documenting this journey in order to have some accountability. Today I feel the need to account for myself. I also have answers, just sadly no solutions yet. It has been a week of ups […]

  • The Ups and Downs of A Dysregulated Eater Part 1

    AKA HEALING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD Today was my first appointment with the dietician. Ambivalent as I was, having approached the GP with high hopes for a pill to stop me eating, I came out with a dietetics referral. Having long since stopped feeling remorse for eating bad food, and telling myself I didn’t care, […]

  • Healing my relationship with food-intro

    For 30 years I’ve had dysregulated eating. At 15, with completely normal weight I went on serious appetite suppressants from a dodgy clinic. I would see how many days I could survive on a packet of Maltesers. I always had a sweet tooth and a taste for the unhealthy. My life has been a series […]

  • My Joy, My Sad

    “Roses are red, violets are blue, It don’t always be like that, but sometimes it do”. It’s been relentless for so long I’d say this is as bad as it gets. Most days an exercise in survival. It started with depression at age 15 and a Bipolar Diagnosis at 21, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder […]

  • When Will The Tears Come

    I wrote this poem sometime in between my discoveries and trying to feel better. It was a challenging day but I managed to override inertia and inaction with some good self care. I was feeling quite trapped but I managed to carry on despite that and getting moving helped me to feel better. It’s so […]

  • Mummy Poem 2 Reflections on parenting

    You were loving and kind with a strange style of mothering To be honest, for me, it was really quite smothering You wanted me happy, right from the start But your chances of achieving it were really quite stark. The life skills you gave me, inadequate and few, No body hair was permitted, it would […]