Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Lemonade for the Renegade

Your immaturity finds it’s way to the stage in rage.

Forceful and Fierce, I cause you to disengage.

A futile routine seeking change, you’ll never reach that place

Once more your default action is to confine me to a cage.

You say, all the gang say, I don’t know how to behave.

In reality, I’m the family scapegoat, remarkably more awake.

It feels like I’ve reached the point where there’s no more I can take.

You’re impossible to educate, elevate, penetrate.

Conversation with you gives me bellyache.

I wish there was a gate,

Behind which you could burn your mistakes.

You’re abandonment stabbed like a rape.

You robbed me of voice, of choice, of expression, left hate

Ignored my mind in a state

Affect wild as a wolf, started to dilapidate

‘Til intervention came to medicate.

From you I need to separate,

As a mother you’re a masquerade,

Our relationship a sorry charade,

It’s time to walk away from the earthquakes, headaches, heartache,

Sustain myself on poetry now, got more rhymes than Drake.

You’re mothering left me clamouring needing escape,

Mostly all you’ve done is take take take,

Emotional incest, not a daughter you wanted but a mate.

Your unintended outcome was to abuse, neglect and try to sedate.

I can only shake some damage off, by acting now to castigate.

Not maliciously intentional but I need my time to create.

A life that is good, a landscape I rate.

To the family I’ve thrown a grenade

But the witches were already gaslighting, being fake.

I’ve just blown up the past so new things can be made.

Sometimes I mourn, sometimes I quake, never do I fade.

Those I value tell me I’m brave,

Resilience evidenced, won’t break.

Motherless, Sisterless, there’ll always be an ache.

But their toxicity is wounding me, their company I must evade.

There’ve been times I’d like to levitate

Out of here, my life eliminate,

Though I know I’ve committed to this, to navigate,

To endure and persist howbeit desolate.

Of myself never ever underestimate.

New seeds to germinate,

New songs to appreciate,

New walks down a new promenade

Time to make lemonade.

With my baby, more important than The Hague.

No time to flake,

It’s time to partake,

In pursuit of life I’ll not hesitate.

The family renegade,

I’ll find the life that I crave.

The cake is there to take,

Source ingredients discerningly and bake.

I’ll make it with my girl, fear eliminate.

You won’t burn me on the stake,

From a painful existence something great I’ll make.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: