A bumpy dream of you last night
A thorn vaguely pricks, my stomach, my side.
Feelings from the vision
More real than television
A tiny tug inside my heart
A throbbing recognition
Of the loss that has passed me by.
When you headed out to sea,
A metaphorical peninsular,
It certainly seemed natural,
You always were quite insular.
At the time I cast it aside
(as you did us)
Colossal challenges crowding our lives.
I didn’t see you yesterday
It certainly wasn’t expected.
Still it unfurled this little wound,
I thought I’d filed away.
Now I’m called to stitch it up
Before it becomes infected.
(It won’t, it just rhymes!)
I thought that it had fully healed
Understood the reasons you did it
The Chapter healthily sealed,
A season and a reason, hardly an act of treason.
Though you said you’d take my child.
The other ways I kicked down your door
Sufficed you to take a back exit,
Whilst we lay, on the floor,
I wanted to cry,
the magnitude of the future and she
Imagining we would die.
Much later I meditated for your well-being
As we arrived at a more settled place.
Forgiveness forever fruitful
All-be my hurt, aware of the space.
I hope the amnesty is mutual
Though I imagine your disdain, witnessed the gradual loss of respect,
But it’s none of my business to care,
That’s not my desired text.
I’m happy we are living, Life, we persevered alone
Our sheer strength I am loving,
Challenges met head on daily, outside or just at home.
No desire then or now to steal as you thought I might
It wasn’t a battle anyone else could have Fought, we knew it was ours to fight
Her friends, and my sisters departed, lone warriors in the centre, just us.
(apparently ME is not real and kids don’t like other kids in wheelchairs or is it the parents!?)
But thank you the friend who penned, short notes upon the phone
To let us know we had support, if not right there in person, then genuinely in thought.