Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

BDSM Abuse


I was a live in prostitute for him

Although sometimes he did nice things for me

Without him

Emotionally destitute I would be.

Exchanging comfort for sex

Realising his fantasies for love

He said that’s what you did if you loved someone

And in kind he shared his extraordinary mind.

That was a real woman’s role

He was training me to be a Goddess

With a special mind like his

“He needed to lose control”

“Women should ALWAYS be in black stockings,

He’d say if I put some comfies on

Even when watching TV

It didn’t seem fair to me.

He taught me to take him to a higher ground

Things I DIDN’T want to do

Where my soul could not be found.

“I need this because I’m so creative”

His voice would resound.

I hated being called upon

The pressure to be perfect

He liked to worship me endlessly

But it was for him, it was theatre,

And it really wasn’t worth it.

I haven’t missed it at all

I’m glad that expired

I don’t want any of these skills

It’s like being made of chips and wires

I know how to please a man

To take him to the height of ecstasy

But I have to avoid that situation

It just brings me loneliness and misery

My husband liked BDSM. But he abused it. He topped from the bottom and coerced me into doing things I did not want to do. I didn’t want to do any of it actually. It wasn’t for me. I was his slave with the illusion of being his Madam. Out of the bedroom he didn’t worship me at all. Far from it. There was a high level of criticism, blaming and patronising teaching about his way being the way to do things.

It’s hard to say no to a Narcissist. When you are living in the atmosphere of their moods, silences and anger and then the occasional piece of loveliness to keep you hooked and think they are amazing. When you think they might leave you if you don’t do as you are told. When you are humiliated and shamed to do anything other than comply.

I have written more about this in my book yet to be released but watch this blog!

PLEASE comment if you feel so inclined, like if you like it and follow so you can come and read some of my back catalogue and get notified of new posts 🙂

Alice


3 responses to “BDSM Abuse”

  1. I’m so sorry. I’ve had an abusive submissive myself and they are not fun. BDSM is great of you’re into it but there are some bad eggs on both sides of the coin and sadly I’ve met and has relationships with a few of them in my time. You are a lot more than the things he made you believe you are and you deserve all of the joy and respect that he could never give to you. Keep smiling, you’re a lot stronger than he will ever be 😊

    Like

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