Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Tag: bipolardisorder

  • The Death Of Alice

    Hi. It’s been a while since I posted. I had a bad Bipolar mixed episode followed by Covid followed by some cPTSD trauma related issues. My therapist is also leaving. If that were not enough, now that my mind has been restored to a (relative for me), calm. I have been attacked with my Chronic…

  • I hurt

    But I’ve been writing all day today and I’m still hurting. I do art with the same intention swapping around the bits of my brain used. But I’ve done art today too and still I hurt. It is hurt covered in a blanket of internal rage. There are too many layers to reach it today.…

  • This is all

    It’s flattering to be called resilient and feel validated when you are down but “resilience” being used as your main compliment time after time can leave you wanting in this way. Sometimes I’d rather be loved than resilient. Or have someone hear my pain. Or be in the position of not having experienced so much…

  • My Joy, My Sad

    “Roses are red, violets are blue, It don’t always be like that, but sometimes it do”. It’s been relentless for so long I’d say this is as bad as it gets. Most days an exercise in survival. It started with depression at age 15 and a Bipolar Diagnosis at 21, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…

  • When Will The Tears Come

    I wrote this poem sometime in between my discoveries and trying to feel better. It was a challenging day but I managed to override inertia and inaction with some good self care. I was feeling quite trapped but I managed to carry on despite that and getting moving helped me to feel better. It’s so…

  • I’m sad today but I have hope

    Hi. Happy Saturday. It was a happy start to the day having a brunch date with my teen where we ate a spectacular pancake stack dripping with Greek yoghurt, fruit compote and loaded with blueberries. I love walking with linked arms down the street with her and having some quality time. She’s so busy these…

  • Don’t call me an “Abused”person

    It’s been 4 months since I found myself in a retrospective analysis of my life caused by distress, emotional pain but also numbness, fatigue and exhaustion, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and dissociation, difficulties controlling my emotions and responses and difficulties being around other people. I didn’t want to do anything but lay down and listen to…

  • In Line, Serenity, Harmony

    MEANS what to me? Absence of nagging anxiety, Without wild outbursts Inside of my head or outwards Simply hugging them and me Or wrapping my arms around a tree. In line, serenity, harmony Means what to me? In line, an ebb and flow is fine. Happy not to ride the rollercoaster, Intimidating, overwhelming times. Living…

  • The Silent Scream

    The Silent Scream-A Scuplture In My living Room Heavy head, metallic and cream, Face lined with fear, a silent scream. Cracked and cold, chills my hand and my heart. This perfect sculpture is where we start. Eyes fiercely pinpricked, A soul that is old, A young aged face, a story untold. Deep-set eyes, Dark shadows…

  • Self Isolation & Bipolar Disorder, Living with someone with Covid-19

    I am terrified of getting the Coronavirus. I never eat fruit, I don’t eat lunch, last time I had flu I really suffered and was wiped out for 2 weeks following which I got Bronchitis and  post viral fatigue for a further 2 weeks. In fact I’ve had Bronchitis 2 years in a row. I…