Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Month: Oct 2022

  • When Will The Tears Come

    I wrote this poem sometime in between my discoveries and trying to feel better. It was a challenging day but I managed to override inertia and inaction with some good self care. I was feeling quite trapped but I managed to carry on despite that and getting moving helped me to feel better. It’s so […]

  • Mummy Poem 2 Reflections on parenting

    You were loving and kind with a strange style of mothering To be honest, for me, it was really quite smothering You wanted me happy, right from the start But your chances of achieving it were really quite stark. The life skills you gave me, inadequate and few, No body hair was permitted, it would […]

  • Pink Pills-trigger date rape/drug rape (Rape poem 2)

    There was no option to consent Drugged, drinking before we went to your home I’m puzzled HOW or WHY I left mine No recall But I can “see” it had started already Seedy, disgusting, sweaty. I didn’t want it You were old, overweight and ugly. In comparison a girl young and lovely, Worth more. Why […]

  • Happy Go Lucky Girl Child-Innocence Lost Poem 2 (Trigger CSA, rape)

    Grieving the happy go lucky girl child Walking hand in hand with a man with a tan Intoxicated not accustomed to drinking A walk on the beach not really thinking. Feeling a little plucky I guess Looking for a tale to tell A little adventure Maybe a kiss Nothing rough Painful Or mucky I really […]

  • Mummy Poem 1 (Trigger Physical/Emotional Abuse-mild)

    I can’t remember when you first hit me I can’t remember how often you lost your mind with rage I remember a bad incident at 9 or 10, a bit old for you to behave this way. You shouted, chased me, screamed as was your pattern when you lost control, Grabbing, pushing, manhandling me, Whacking […]

  • I’m sad today but I have hope

    Hi. Happy Saturday. It was a happy start to the day having a brunch date with my teen where we ate a spectacular pancake stack dripping with Greek yoghurt, fruit compote and loaded with blueberries. I love walking with linked arms down the street with her and having some quality time. She’s so busy these […]

  • Don’t call me an “Abused”person

    It’s been 4 months since I found myself in a retrospective analysis of my life caused by distress, emotional pain but also numbness, fatigue and exhaustion, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and dissociation, difficulties controlling my emotions and responses and difficulties being around other people. I didn’t want to do anything but lay down and listen to […]

  • I don’t like this (trigger CSA) Innocence Lost Poem 1

    Bare bottom, cheap seats, scratchy fur, orange, brown Burning, sticky, poking, dry, over-rubbed Cold uncomfortable defeat with a relief it’s over Who were the other faceless people? Hurriedly exiting the disused caravan, The Conductor a teenage boy Who thought he was a man. It feels like a routine Whilst I hold onto hope it was […]

  • Rape Poem 1 (trigger) Inter-Marital Rape.

    Consent is complex-No is no, verbal or non-verbal Your fucking was cold and perfunctory, I could have been in a different country. I told you it was hurting, My mouth clearly agape. But you didn’t stop, or consider it You know the name for that is rape. Instead you flipped me over, Like a slab […]

  • BDSM Abuse

    I was a live in prostitute for him Although sometimes he did nice things for me Without him Emotionally destitute I would be. Exchanging comfort for sex Realising his fantasies for love He said that’s what you did if you loved someone And in kind he shared his extraordinary mind. That was a real woman’s […]