Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Tag: abuse

  • The Death Of Alice

    Hi. It’s been a while since I posted. I had a bad Bipolar mixed episode followed by Covid followed by some cPTSD trauma related issues. My therapist is also leaving. If that were not enough, now that my mind has been restored to a (relative for me), calm. I have been attacked with my Chronic…

  • This Is Dorsal Vagus Shutdown (Trauma Shutdown)

    The serene strike of a benign relaxation exercise leaves me annihilated, Jolted out of it aggressively with the memory of a child perversely violated. Now I am dead, can’t move, paralysed, come to a stop, Eyes stuck in a fixed stare, can’t rise from the soft sofa chair. There is a famine of action here,…

  • Dead Behind The Eyes:A dedication to those with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the special people who work with them to find colour and life again.

    My soul is hollow, vacant, there is nothing inside. Behind the warm hazel and striking brown intensity, the mirror of my eyes, There is nothing. A grey death, a barren land, A slight wish for someone to hold my hand. I drive gently through the street, Observe how the sun, silently illuminates. The sky projecting…

  • Your Dying Was A Great Blessing (Emotional Abuse at the hands of a Narcissist).

    You don’t own this home, but you do. Whether in it or missing from it, After a bout of silent, savage, hissing, I can be found frozen, afraid, sitting, Not knowing what to do next, Shocked, where’d the bliss go? There never was much kissing. I hate you, I’m glad that you are dead, I’m…

  • I hurt

    But I’ve been writing all day today and I’m still hurting. I do art with the same intention swapping around the bits of my brain used. But I’ve done art today too and still I hurt. It is hurt covered in a blanket of internal rage. There are too many layers to reach it today.…

  • Lemonade for the Renegade

    Your immaturity finds it’s way to the stage in rage. Forceful and Fierce, I cause you to disengage. A futile routine seeking change, you’ll never reach that place Once more your default action is to confine me to a cage. You say, all the gang say, I don’t know how to behave. In reality, I’m…

  • I am the Master of Me

    I am not broken, Though my energies spent, You were hell bent on destroying me Though you faked concern, cloyingly I am the master of me. I AM the master of me Boundless strength inside of me A cleansing well to use To fight memories of abuse To reconnect my head to my body Dispel…

  • Can’t knock me down (brief rape trigger).

    I’ll always be a winner Not held back by sinners I’ve worked far too hard To be held back by fucktards You won’t nail me to the cross I’m too fierce, I’m too boss. I won’t be restrained By those inflicting pain By your chit chat vicious, malicious Sending me back to him again. He’s…

  • Savage Sisters Try To Steal My Sanity

    Grotesque, greasy mouths, generate accusations and denunciations. They slip easily from the ugly, gaping holes of empty souls. Fired by spittle it’s plain to see they’re brittle. A pile of stinking crumbs makes it clear the source is dumb. But launched at someone with trauma, they penetrate the fragile aura. With the force of a…

  • Goodbye Sister Doubt

    Conversation with you leaves my heart with a contusion, Building fake love, mending, blown with sudden, leaking communion. A mind spilling with ill will and too much pollution, Ugly and arrogant delivering slimy execution. Bestowing heartbreak and confusion. Following the short lived illusion. You’re completely inept to understand the situation. Swimming in lack of knowledge…