Never Been Heard

(formerly The Musings and Learnings of a Widowed Bipolar Mum)

Category: Blog Posts

  • This Is Dorsal Vagus Shutdown (Trauma Shutdown)

    The serene strike of a benign relaxation exercise leaves me annihilated, Jolted out of it aggressively with the memory of a child perversely violated. Now I am dead, can’t move, paralysed, come to a stop, Eyes stuck in a fixed stare, can’t rise from the soft sofa chair. There is a famine of action here,…

  • Scrambled Eggs and Lorazepam (aka Sex with a Narcissist) rape trigger

    Today was a day I gave too much of a damn, About peoples responses, BELIEF, To me sharing your REAL crimes from my head, Lunch is Lorazepam and eggs I’ll try rhyming out scars from the dead. Self professed Batman, Superman, Classy son of an Irish Clergyman, Runner for freedom fighters Gang man Ruffian posed…

  • When Will The Tears Come

    I wrote this poem sometime in between my discoveries and trying to feel better. It was a challenging day but I managed to override inertia and inaction with some good self care. I was feeling quite trapped but I managed to carry on despite that and getting moving helped me to feel better. It’s so…

  • I’m sad today but I have hope

    Hi. Happy Saturday. It was a happy start to the day having a brunch date with my teen where we ate a spectacular pancake stack dripping with Greek yoghurt, fruit compote and loaded with blueberries. I love walking with linked arms down the street with her and having some quality time. She’s so busy these…

  • Don’t call me an “Abused”person

    It’s been 4 months since I found myself in a retrospective analysis of my life caused by distress, emotional pain but also numbness, fatigue and exhaustion, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and dissociation, difficulties controlling my emotions and responses and difficulties being around other people. I didn’t want to do anything but lay down and listen to…

  • I don’t like this (trigger CSA) Innocence Lost Poem 1

    Bare bottom, cheap seats, scratchy fur, orange, brown Burning, sticky, poking, dry, over-rubbed Cold uncomfortable defeat with a relief it’s over Who were the other faceless people? Hurriedly exiting the disused caravan, The Conductor a teenage boy Who thought he was a man. It feels like a routine Whilst I hold onto hope it was…

  • Rape Poem 1 (trigger) Inter-Marital Rape.

    Consent is complex-No is no, verbal or non-verbal Your fucking was cold and perfunctory, I could have been in a different country. I told you it was hurting, My mouth clearly agape. But you didn’t stop, or consider it You know the name for that is rape. Instead you flipped me over, Like a slab…

  • BDSM Abuse

    I was a live in prostitute for him Although sometimes he did nice things for me Without him Emotionally destitute I would be. Exchanging comfort for sex Realising his fantasies for love He said that’s what you did if you loved someone And in kind he shared his extraordinary mind. That was a real woman’s…

  • Smashed up by sisterhood

    How could you think it my fault? Would SHE really have made it up? Or is blaming me your default? Her team say it’s you who fucked up. Your thoughts, stereotyped and malignant Surpassed only by your mental abuse Yet you wonder at my indignance, Can you really be quite so obtuse? Tried to educate…

  • Friendship Lost & Facing your battles alone

    A bumpy dream of you last night A thorn vaguely pricks, my stomach, my side. Feelings from the vision More real than television A tiny tug inside my heart A throbbing recognition Of the loss that has passed me by. When you headed out to sea, A metaphorical peninsular, It certainly seemed natural, You always…