I’m not even writing

Frozen, freezing, fighting

All energy engaged on trying to be alive

Cut off from the world just trying to survive.

Staying alive

Functioning

Surviving

Keeping cat and daughter thriving.

My heart hurts but you can’t see it

If you hold my hand

You’ll feel it

Look deeply in my eyes

You might identify it.

How long will the wait be?

For the person who’ll understand and listen

I’ll be stripped of this protective shell

Warmth will hold me

The ice will dispel.

Reflecting on a life

Cold, damaged, aching, long

It’s entirety feels unreal

With little to appeal.

I need to make sense of the journey

Before I’m laid out on the gurney

The army of abusers, maltreaters misusers.

Release the pain and pathos

Really come to heal

And build a new life with zeal.